A blonde was on holidays in the rain forest of Northern Queensland.
She wanted desperately to take home a pair of genuine crocodile shoes but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking for the highly prized shoes.

After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle on prices” attitude of one of the shopkeepers at Kuranda market, the blonde shouted,”Well then, maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own crocodile, so I can get a pair of shoes at a decent price!”
The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, “Little lady, well why don’t you just go and give it a try”.

The blonde turned on her heel and headed out toward the swamps and marshes, determined to catch herself a crocodile.

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the road near the mangrove swamp where he spots that same young woman standing waist deep in the
murky water, shotgun in hand.
Just then, he spots a huge 6 metre croc swimming rapidly toward her.
With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and, with a great deal of effort, hauls it ontothe slimy swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.

The shopkeeper stands on the bank and watches this scenario in amazed silence.
Just then, the blonde struggles and flips the big croc on its back.

Then, rolling her eyes heavenward and screaming in great frustration,she shouts out, “Damn, this one is barefoot, too!”

(GrantR has made 1 comment)

Congratulations to Richard, irncpl, pedrogarcia and jcarswell, you are all winners! Check your email for redemption details, please note you must redeem the app by 19th November so be quick! Thanks to all who entered.

(Steve Lawrence has made 645 comments)

A doctor, a dentist and a lawyer were in a boat together when a wave came along and washed them all overboard. Unable to get back into the boat, they decided two would hold on to the boat and the third would swim to shore for help.

They noticed that there were hundreds of sharks between them and land. Without a word the lawyer took off! As he swam the sharks move aside. The dentist yelled, “it’s a miracle!”

“No”, said the doctor, “That’s professional courtesy!”

(Dave has made 1 comment)

Getting a new girlfriend is a little like joining the Navy. You clean up, get a haircut, buy new cloths and any important information will be given to you strictly on a need to know basis.

(Mak has made 41 comments)

There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field. She was in a boat rowing, with no water in sight.

The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you’re doing? It’s things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I’d come out there and kick your butt!”

(jcarswell has made 1 comment)

A pirate walks into a bar with a captains wheel stuff inside the front of his pants….

The bartender looks at the pirate and asks him "What are you doing with a captains wheel stuffed in your pants… "?

The pirate says, "Arrrrgg….. it drives me nuts".

(pedrogarcia has made 6 comments)

A young fellow from Kerikeri moves to New York and goes to a big ‘everything under one roof’ department store looking for a job.

The manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?”
The kid says, “Yeah, I was a salesman at a sports store back home in New Zealand.”
Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job.
“You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did ”

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down…

“How many sales did you make today?”
The kid says, “One.”
The boss says, “Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. You’re going to have to improve considerably or look for another job! How much was the sale for?”
The kid says, “$112,237.64.”

The boss says, “$112,237.64 !! What the hell did you sell ?”

Kid says, “First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod.

Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the lake, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a new boat.

Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that new Ford pick-up. I asked him how long he was going to be out at the lake and after he said 5 or 6 days I took him down to the RV department and sold him a slide-in camper for the truck.”

The boss said, “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat, a truck and a camper?”

Kid says, “No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, ‘Well, your weekend’s shot, you might as well go fishing.”

(Dreadeye has made 3 comments)

The three fisherman were shocked when an angel appeared in the boat. The angel said, “I would like to do something nice for each of you”.

The first fisherman spoke up, ” I have suffered with back pain for years”. The angel touches the man’s back and he felt instant relief.

The second fisherman said, ” I am nearly blind without my glasses! The angel took off his glasses and threw them out of the boat. The instant they hit the water the man’s eyesight cleared to the point of perfect.

The angel turned towards the third fisherman who was half out of the boat. As he hit the water he cried, “Don’t touch me – it took me two years to get on disability!

(irncpl has made 31 comments)

I was like leStar – I thought teh extra challenge was a GREAT idea. But now that’s it’s easier again .. here goes (an oldie, but my fav “boat joke”)

The following is supposedly a documented conversation between the USS Lincoln and a Canadian vessel….

Canadian: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the captain of a us navy ship. I say again, divert your course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert your course.

Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north, I say again, that’s one five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

(Richard has made 50 comments)

I like the way you are making more of a challenge in the entry of this comp! Make people work for their prize. I would bother myself if I didn’t already have a copy of navionics nz maps. I wouldn’t have minded winning the turn-by-turn road nav app in the last comp tho…

(leStar has made 63 comments)